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The Crown: Crowned in terror

07/08/08 || Daemonomania

This album is the reason a lot of people have heard of The Crown, me included. Why, since the band had been around for over a decade beforehand and had already released shit good enough to make it into OUR Class of 6(66)?

Star power, that’s why.

Yes, roll out the blood red carpet for Tompa Truck Lindberg, ex-At the Gates and ex-four out of every ten Swedeath bands per year. The old vocalist Johan Lindstrand decided to hit the skids for a bit, do some soul searching, maybe head out to the desert and take some peyote and find out who he really is, man. Or maybe not. Maybe he was trying to cure cancer using leopard semen, or finally take his dream vacation to the Galapagos. Fucked if I know, and double fucked if I bother to find out. Anyway, in came Tompa Stompa with his trademarked now synonymous with melodic death vocals and gave this long running outfit the crownie points they needed to hit the big time. It was a publicist’s dream, a record label’s midnight ejaculation. Many a greedy hand was rubbed together.

Of course, the new dude came back and they re-released “Crowned in terror” with his vocals, further muddying the waters. I’ve heard that one too, and I must say the whole thing kinda reeks of ego. And once you’ve gotten used to Tampon behind the mic, the other dude just doesn’t sound quite right. Let me finish up the vocal discussion now. Bongo does a great job, unleashing those high-pitched gremlin screams in a manner much more ferocious than anything he did with ATG. His voice has a lot of power, and he uses it well. There. Done.

No wait, not yet. And Lindstrand accompanies Lindberg on vocal duties for the last song, “Death metal holocaust.” Are you confused yet? Johan and Tompa’s, Lindstrand and Lindberg, Swedish and Sweden.

Now how about the rest of the band? Fast and talented with chops to spare. The guitar work, from horrendously fast melodic leads, to emotive solos, and chewy riffs – these guys kick some anal passage. The bass gets a spot or two, and the drumming makes the whole thing run like clockwork. Of course, if you had a Crown clock that shit would be six hours fast all the time, and you’d constantly be convinced you were late.

With all of these talented fuckos together in one room, you’d think they’d create the best melodic Swedish death/thrash/rock and roll/music in general album of all time, right? And then maybe find a solution to world hunger and whammy bar sodomy? Not really. The tracks they do well are slam dunks, but when they miss let’s just say they don’t even hit the backboard.

An inspection of several tracks, shall we? There’s an instrumental intro. Not bad, still about as necessary as tits on a turtle. Then the obligatory fast first song, that happens to bear the title of the album. Odd that they would push a title track this far up in the listing – usually the title track is number five or six. Someone should have informed them that it is a good idea to conform to the expectations of metalheads who are used to having all of their songs in a specific order.

So far, nothing special. But then “Under the whip” explodes into your speakers and proceeds to stuff its balls halfway down your esophagus. Blasts, melodic solos, catchy chorus, and general domination. The use of drums to evoke the cracking of a whip reminds me a bit of “The lion’s den” by none other than Morbid Angel, and as Martha Stewart would say, “it’s a good thing.” Martha Stewart has also been known to howl, “let’s play a little game called toss the salad,” while listening to The Crown.

To summarize the track by track, “World below,” and “(I am) hell” sound somewhat similar and both are spectacular. “Death is the hunter” is another soon-to-be classic, with some riffs that will induce fits of embarrassing public headbanging that are sure to drive members of the opposite sex far far away.

The rest of “Crowned in terror,” though, is a bit lackluster. Something weakens the remaining tracks, whether it be the speed, the lyrics, the stronger rock and roll influence, or something else. “Speed of Darkness” is a more rock-y track with a repetitive ending, the lyrics to “Satanist” are pretty dumb, and the rest of it tries to grab your ear but fails. Everyone’s rocking their scrotums right off, but the ball hair isn’t falling from the sky like disease-ridden snow. I really gotta cut down on the balls references, people might think I have a problem.

Or maybe I’m just being bitter. These guys really do have some incredible talent, and successfully stuffed a boot pretty far up the bloated rear end of Gothenburg melodic death by kicking things into high gear. Given the hype though, I was expecting each and every song to be “Under the whip.” I expected to take this disc out of my CD player after it was over, throw it up in the air, and marvel as it transformed into an ultra-powerful deep fryer/firework manufacturing machine. To quote the decidedly non-metal Public Enemy, “don’t believe the hype, huuuuaahhhh”. Damn you, hand-rubbing label marketers! Where are my French fries and my bottle rockets?

7 of your worst fucking nightmares out of 10.

Information
Released: 2002
Label: Metal Blade
Website: www.thecrown.com
Band
Tomas Lindberg: vocals
Magnus Olsfelt: bass
Janne Saarenpää: drums
Marko Tervonen: guitar
Marcus Sunesson: guitar

Tracklist
01. House of Hades (Intro present on every death/thrash album ever)
02. Crowned in Terror
03. Under the Whip
04. Drugged Unholy
05. World Below
06. The Speed of Darkness (66.6 MPH)
07. Out for Blood
08. (I Am) Hell
09. Death Is the Hunter
10. Satanist
11. Death Metal Holocaust

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